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It's still sad that some stupid people think they could generalize the behavior of all people in any country based on a few, that's near racism. Respect others as you respect yourself! And even more respect to your post! Thank you Phil. You're absolutely spot on. We have been together for 5 years. She lives in Texas.
Hi Peter, I love reading your articles and have forwarded your details to my friend Robert when the Pandemic is over we will be on our way to Bangkok. Best Regards,. Thank you John.
I hope it won't be too long before you're traveling. I have been living with my Thai partner now for some 10 years plus. Some say i am lucky but that doesn't come in to it, just like any other normal relationship respect goes a long way with Thais. Understanding there culture is a must.
My partner is with me because she wants to be not has to be. The chances of a relationship from a paid one i. e bar girl ever lasting is close to zero. For one they probably have a Thai boyfriend or already married. farangs forget when they meet these girls, it's a contract for a certain time and they are there because they have family to look after and will tell you anything to get as much as they can and yes, some if not most look at you like a walking ATM.
What they see is you spending money like water and, when some of you manage to catch one and get married and so forth they expect you to carry on spending - because that what they have seen you on holiday, spending like a wealthy man.
Then reality kicks in and not many can keep that up. They will expect you to give money to their parents every month and close family. These girls are not stupid; big mistake if you ever think that. You see they know they have a pussy made of gold, also there is a big age gap.
Most men are 40 average and these girls are what, tops? Most horror stories come from a 2 week encounter. I am lucky my partner is my soul mate. We never fight and she never asks for anything, even her family say we are so much alike. I never give them money and they don't ask, as her family are quite well off. They have given to us, so not all Thai girls are the same. So go to Thailand and have a good time. The people are amazing but leave it at that, because if you fall into the bar girl trap you will end up hart broken and skint.
Thanks for a great article. I love your posts. Cheers Brendan. Hi Peter, good to catch your blog and your dating tips. They all make eminent sense to me. As do most of the following comments. Thailand offers an amazing variety of women to foreigners that they simply could never hope to find at home. Does this mean it is easy for every man who lands on its shores. No, almost the contrary, if only because the mere surfeit of company on offer is inevitably mind-boggling.
Keeping your wits about you is essential and your tips are a good aid, as long as readers actually put them into practice. I knew quite a lot about the pitfalls before I arrived 10 years ago but still found myself in an awkward pseudo marriage ceremony just a few months later. No hearts were broken but I sure as hell could have done better and actually did, entering into a happy long term relationship shortly after. Without wishing to break any self-promotions regs, I could mention I wrote a book about it called Thailand Love Talk which was meant to help foreigners understand how Thai girls view them - and vv, as the book appears in both Thai and English.
Even if your readers can't benefit from it, I think you might find it amusing personally. Best for now, Terence Doyle. I think the best rule is to always stop and ask yourself "Would I be doing this back home, or would I be more cautious? Thanks Terence. I will check out the book! Many thanks for the positive response, Peter.
Hope you find some interest in the book. It's meant to be funny as well as informative - your partner might even find out something unexpected about you if the translation is any good. Brilliant and spot on, when I first went to Thailand all I heard were the horror stories and I thought I'm getting on the next flight out however after a few visits and not being led by the little brain its all roses. Its interesting to note that if you dig a bit deeper into the horror stories of the broken Westerner it grneraly starts with I met a lady one evening in a bar.
Well no offense but when you lay with dogs you get fleas or worse. Thai ladies have the most beautiful caring spirit and it really offends me when people sayThai women are all on the take.
Not so in Thailand, so ponder that little gem before you offend not only myself and my Thai wife but also the other literally thousands of expats in rural communities that are happily married. You rarely hear the success stories because those people are too busy getting on with their lives.
Nice article, Peter. And a refreshing change from much of the stuff I've read recently by bloggers who either regard Thai women as sexual meat to be sampled at the lowest achievable cost, or as devious scammers intent on manipulating the "walking ATMs".
Some of the sentiments I've seen expressed are distasteful at best, sadistic and nasty at worst. I'm no saint, and have been happy to lightly indulge in the sexual smorgasbord on offer here, but I hope the women I've been with would say that I've done so with respect and kindness.
I don't see that the transactional nature of the encounter gives one carte blanche to behave like an arsehole, either within the encounter or after the fact in blogging about it. That notion seems to escape many.
Thanks for highlighting the need to treat people as individuals, worthy of care and respect, in all situations. Thanks Tom. I appreciate you reading. You're absolutely right. Cleaner or CEO, it doesn't take much to be polite and respectful - unless of course you have good reason not to.
For a better chance at relationship success it makes sense to meet a woman who works a job outside of the nighttime industry. That's not to say men haven't met women in such places and gone onto have happy relationships, but the motivations, principles and outlook of some women in that industry may not be well aligned with yours and give rise to problems. I'm not judging; life throws people curve balls and we never know where we might find ourselves.
But, quite often, when you hear of a relationship gone sour in Thailand, it has its roots in the night life. Great post! One thing to add, too, is that when you even "date" a Thai woman generalization notwithstanding is that you will be very quickly aware that you are also dating the whole family. You will get calls at all hours the call today came in a 6am from my partner's aunt who had gotten sucked into a phone scam.
And there is a wall of doubt that you will have to break through before you are actually accepted as one of them. Your partner may accept you right away but it's just as important to get khun yai on your side if you're going to succeed.
Assure it to pick the right one by researching the safest one. Go with the most trusted Thai dating site and app, which is TrulyThai. It is the number one safest romance website. Plus, it is packed with cool features that bring together Thai singles while protecting you from Thai dating scams. Dating Thai women has been smooth and safe with the help of TrulyThai. Here is a list of things that usually indicate that a site has suspicious or even illegal motives:.
This tip varies depending on how long you have known the person. However, if you just met someone, never tell them to contact you on the other social media you have. Talk to them through the online dating site first. This way, you will be able to distinguish if they are real people or not. Do not rush to know someone you met in a dating app or site through other online platforms. It will also help you to consider the probability of being scammed by someone rather than being sorry.
There are different ways to scrutinize the prospective partner you met online. One way is to do a reverse image search on google and various applications to see if the photo is actually their own or pulled from a stock site. You will see if they are what they tell you. Also, you can look them up on social media like Facebook and Instagram, too. Dating online should be about love, not money.
Extortion of money online can be the most unfortunate thing that can happen to someone who is just looking for friendship or a person to love. But unfortunately, countless people have been left behind financially broke at the same time with a broken heart. If you ever come across someone who asks money from you, never hesitate to end the conversation.
These people are opportunists and just using the dating site to get financial stability. Besides probing their profile pictures, you must also be cautious about how they write their biography. Use it wisely. Related article: How to Make the Best Dating Profile. First is you have to understand the Thai dating culture. Instead, try to put in some effort on your messages.
One of the most important Thai dating tips is to compliment her personality and interest not just her looks. Online dating sure is fun and exciting but what comes with that is the possibility of being scammed.
To protect our users from a future heartache, TrulyThai has compiled some tips on how to date a Thai woman while still having a safe and secure online dating experience. Information such as bank records, home and work address, social security number and loginformations must be kept private. Keeping your identity confidencial until you really know the person is essential in being safe online. Only provide personal information once both of you have met in person. Go with your gut on this one. There can be many indications for a scammer, but one of the major red flags they have are:.
A scammers usual style is to communicate off the dating site immediately. If they insist, stop the date and leave immediately.
Having lived in Thailand for many years and running this blog for over a decade, I've been there and done it: read the book, worn the t-shirt and taken both the red and the blue pills, so to speak.
So I know a few things about Thai women and dating in Thailand. I've also seen many success stories, and watched others end in tears. And my inbox Ooh er, Mrs! So before you start your Thai dating quest, I think you might find this insight useful. It could save you time, money, and heartache. The allure of a Thai woman can be very strong.
You may find that you have far more interest from the opposite sex than you do back home. Newsflash: not all of this interest is because you have a pretty face.
So before you sell your house back home and declare your undying love for the maid in your apartment block, or the girl who gives you an extra ice cube in your beer at the local bar, take it easy….
I think the best piece of advice that anyone can give on dating in Thailand is to not do anything that you wouldn't do back home. That's easy to say when you haven't got the rose colored glasses on, but loosely it's a good rule to live by. I have known guys who, within a couple of weeks of meeting a woman in Thailand, have moved them into an apartment, given them a monthly salary and begun plans to meet the family and get married.
I'm not looking to judge anyone here, and these things do work out for some, but would you do this back in your home country — even if you went on a few dates with a woman you really felt you had a future with? This is not solely about protecting yourself; it's also about protecting the person you're getting involved with.
I've also known a number of men who have gone the whole hog and then suddenly backed out and disappeared, either into the ether of Southeast Asia or simply back home.
After a number of months they came to realize that the person they were involved with wasn't quite the person they thought, for one reason or another. They came to realize that actually, relationships in Thailand aren't that different from any other country.
There is no perfect rose garden. So take it easy. Enjoy the dating process. Get to know someone properly before making commitments and uprooting your whole life. I know it's tempting, because things back home are boring and routine and women are only interested in men with a lot of money… yada, yada, yada.
Find someone you have shared interests with, someone who makes you laugh, someone who isn't looking for a cash cow or a financial sponsor for their entire family. A good goal is to find a partner who is independent, and would be fine whether you were in their life or not. Again, the same goes for your home country, but men in particular seem to lose their heads in Southeast Asia.
I'll never forget the guy I met at the Green Mango in Chaweng Koh Samui back in who bragged he had got 5 Thai women pregnant. The risk of sexually transmitted diseases is actually far higher in Thailand that it would be back home, in particular HIV and Hepatitis B. No matter how attractive the person, how kind and caring they appear, you do not know their sexual history. Don't take risks. And if you intend on being sexually active in Thailand, get a Hepatitis B vaccination before you travel.
I remember when I first arrived in Thailand and we met up with a friend of the guy I was traveling with, who was a regular visitor to Thailand. He was also with a couple of expats who had lived here a while. We'd soon come to understand the culture of these bars and that the women were available to take home, so to speak. On that first night, after going to a round of bars, we were taken to a local disco.
Surprisingly, many of the women in the bars came to the disco once they'd finished work at the bar. So even when you go to a club, depending on the club, it could be difficult to know which women are working an angle and which women are genuinely having a night out. Of course, over time you know the signs and the signals and in many instances it is very obvious because they are acting in a way that the average Thai woman wouldn't.
That being said, after a few drinks even the most reserved office girl can let her hair down, and why not. I used to hang out with some folks from my friend's office in Thailand, and, as is the case back home, the most reserved office worker can certainly loosen up after a couple of shots. The point I'm making is that bars and discos are not always the ideal place to meet women back home, let alone in Thailand where, particularly in the tourist areas, the line between women working the nightlife and those enjoying it on a recreational basis can be fairly blurred.
If you're not one for nightclubs and bars, or for approaching women to talk to in such environments, then that's where dating sites can be useful — because you can get an immediate insight into the person's life through their profile, and get to know them slowly through a neutral communication channel. If you're living in Thailand, you can then arrange to meet up, or if you come in for a holiday, you can make plans in advance. Dating sites offer a more diverse range of women.
Bear in mind that the large majority of women in Thailand do not go to bars and clubs where foreign tourists are going to be hanging out. Many women are only dragged out to a club when it's someone's birthday, or an office do. Indeed, if you're a newbie foreigner on Thai soil, your first proper conversation with a Thai woman is more likely to be with a hooker than an office worker — which is crazy considering those working in the night-time industry are by far the minority. So they register a profile on a dating site such as Thai Cupid.
One unexpected Thai dating occurrence, that might be considered a cultural difference, is that women in Thailand often bring a chaperone with them on a first date. This might also extend to the second and third date. There are a few reasons for this. The first is that historically a woman wouldn't be seen with a man in a dating or intimate capacity if she wasn't intending to marry him.
This has its roots in the old culture that if a man and woman are seen out eating together, walking around together and doing things that couples do, then they would be considered a couple. They would then be the gossip of the village. With this in mind, consider that on a first, second or third date, you may not have reached the point where you are officially a couple, and therefore the woman would feel more comfortable if there was a friend there to make it look like a meeting of friends rather than lovers.
The second reason is that Thai women tend to be quite reserved when it comes to dating and intimate encounters. Culturally, it is not becoming of a woman to be forward in this arena, and therefore a woman is likely to be fairly shy and quiet on a first date. Of course, for the sake of the explanation I am generalizing here and there are exceptions to this. However, there is also the language barrier to consider, and despite a woman having a good grasp of English, it can still be quite difficult to understand accents from different countries and to follow a conversation in a busy environment such as a restaurant or a bar.
Moreover, your date may have very little experience with foreign men; most Thai women don't. Your date may never have visited Europe, or had a Western friend.
Bringing along a friend will make your date feel more comfortable and confident. There will be someone there to break the ice. And then there's the safety issue.
It is highly unlikely that your date has told any close family that she is going on a date, particularly a date to meet foreign man. There are also some men who try to pressure women into intimacy after a date by persuading them to come to their home or go on somewhere for drinks.
So having the chaperone there gives your date sense of security and an excuse to leave or go home to her home at the end of the night, should she need it. While it may be somewhat annoying to have a chaperone on the first date or three, I don't think it is something to frown at.
It's probably the most sensible thing to do. Thai women can be reserved and conservative. This is quite a difficult topic for me to approach because I don't want to be judgmental of anyone's choice of partner, or of any woman or man's profession. However, over the many years of running this blog I have received many emails — mostly from men — regarding women that they've had a bad experience with.
Nearly every single one of these men met their partner in a bar or got involved with a woman who has no job but a number of financial commitments, leading one to ponder as to how this woman was supporting herself before her new boyfriend came into her life.
The story usually evolves gradually over time, uncovering evidence of other men in her life, of increasing demands for money to pay off debts — either hers or someone in her family — drug or alcohol abuse, emotional blackmail and violence, the list goes on. The problem is that many of the women who end up working in bars or as prostitutes, either on the street or freelancing in clubs, or as escorts, have come from broken homes, broken relationships, and abusive backgrounds where alcohol and gambling usually play a part.
Many have also experienced sexual abuse. The other side of this problem is that they are still very much connected to these problems and have a commitment to members of their family who quite frankly they'd probably be better off without.
One of the ties to family is that most of these women have children and the children are living with grandparents or another member of family. They have to send money home their family to support their kids and support their aging parents. I've written about this before in a somewhat now famous post that divided a lot of opinion. Having done some work at a women's shelter in Bangkok I have heard first hand the problems that these women have encountered since a young age.
Having been in so many dysfunctional relationships, it makes it very difficult for them to be in normal relationships, let alone a relationship with a foreigner who has no idea of their background and present situation. It can be tempting to be a white knight, but consider that this may not work out very well for you at all, and may end up negatively affecting your life in many ways.
But what I am saying is this:. If you can meet a woman who is reasonably well educated, or who at least finished high school and has some kind of diploma or profession; someone who gets up in the morning and goes to work every day; someone who is used to functional relationships within her family, with her friends and has had normal relationships with boyfriends; there will be a greater chance of success in the long term. Moreover, it's ideal if you can find someone who is good with money and wants to be in a relationship where both people want to work hard to create a life together, rather than a person in a dire financial position who needs you to be their support mechanism, indefinitely.
No one comes with zero issues and we all have some baggage from the past. But I'm just trying to be as upfront and real as I can with you on this subject, because I have seen the Thailand dream end in tatters for so many men due to toxic relationships that were doomed to fail from the start. Of course, let me caveat this by saying it isn't always down to the woman. Many a foreign man has been the architect of his relationship's demise, and oftentimes it is drink and promiscuity that causes the lady to flip her lid.
Anyway, amidst this word of warning it should be said that there are hundreds of thousands of wonderful, down to earth, hard-working, single Thai women who would make any man a proud partner.
To bring some balance to that last section, my advice to you, the man, is to be careful that you don't make promises you can't keep. As noted early on in this post, it's easy to get carried away in the land of smiles.
It is easy to tell a girl that you love her and that you're going to move to Thailand and give her the life she's always wanted. The thing is, while some women will know it's the beer talking, others will buy into the fact that they've met their knight in shining armor — because undoubtedly they would have seen it happen to other women.
Rural villages are full of stories of young maidens who met men from Europe and now live like queens in Switzerland, Germany, UK, USA and elsewhere. Truth be told, most are miserable as sin :. Again, there is the language barrier and the cultural barrier. Many Thai people only have movies as a reference for Westerners.
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I could probably also generalize and say that the majority of Thai women like Mama noodles, just like I could say the majority of English people like Tea. It is one of the no brainers Thai dating and safety tips. I remember when I first arrived in Thailand and we met up with a friend of the guy I was traveling with, who was a regular visitor to Thailand. Learn the proper Thai dating etiquette. But unfortunately, countless people have been left behind financially broke at the same time with a broken heart. However, if you just met someone, never tell them to contact you on the other social media you have.Don't take risks. No, online dating tips thai, almost the contrary, if only because the mere surfeit of company on offer is inevitably mind-boggling. I'd get a coffee. Home About How It Works Success Stories Features Login Here Help. Comments Sort by : newest oldest Very well written, nicely done. If you can meet a woman who is reasonably well educated, or who at least finished high school and has some kind of diploma or profession; someone who gets up in the morning and goes to work every day; someone who is used to functional relationships within her family, with her friends and has had normal relationships with boyfriends; there will be a greater chance of online dating tips thai in the long term. Many have also experienced sexual abuse.